Mother, May I? (Part 2 of 3)

“With my mother’s death all settled happiness disappeared from my life. There was much fun, many pleasures, many stabs of joy; but no more of the old security. It was sea and islands now; the great continent had sunk like Atlantis.” – C.S. Lewis

In the midst of mourning the loss of her husband, my mother immediately turned to her children. In her mind it was time, at last, to address many issues. But it’s never that easy. Sometimes the past is a very tall wall. Frustrated and confused she found sanctuary in her faith and the church. Now I had a problem. As a Christian, I had to deal with Jesus getting all up in my face. Not only about harboring unforgiveness in my heart or failing to honor my mother, but also about shutting out a fellow believer who was in need.

For me, this was beyond the pale. Thirty-five years of hurts were supposed to just be set aside? Really?  “Do you not understand my splinters?!” I cried out to Jesus. He looked down at me from the cross with tired eyes that said, “Really? Your splinters? Try coming up here for a while.” Jesus understood that the splinters had to be removed. Not discussed. Not understood. Not rationalized. Not theorized over. Just. Removed.

My mother and I began to work on this process. We talked openly of the hurts we’d caused one another over the years and I was stunned to find that I had caused splinters in her as well…imagine that. I know what you’re expecting…a happy ending. But no. Neither of us had what it took to get the job completely done. We were able to end the war, but unable to comprehend what to do next with the peace that followed. Two hearts reached a detente, of sorts, but the borders, sadly, remained.

Then she died.

But after she was gone I realized that though the splinters were still there? Our efforts to love one another had at least brought them closer to the surface. I could see them again, and get at them, and begin removing them. I’m still at it. And can I tell you something? It hurts. Really bad. A splinter quickly removed is not painless, but a splinter from a festering wound? Yikes. But it was time.

TO BE CONCLUDED NEXT WEEK.