In the world of dream journaling I am, for all intents and
purposes, a mute. I can rarely remember any of my dreams, and if I do at all, it’s
usually a scattered fragment here or there. But last night was different; last
night I dreamed of taking selfies with Judy Garland.
I was at the Universal Studios Theme Park, modern day, so it
couldn’t have been the real Judy Garland (may she rest in peace), it was a
character actor that was playing her, though I must say, she was a dead
ringer. Judy wore bright red lipstick and that trademark
white and blue checkered dress, with her hair in pigtails. As she was
making her way to the center of the park, I intercepted her and asked for
a selfie. A look of mild concern came over her face. My wife wasn’t with me,
nor were either of my kids, so I must’ve looked like a middle aged perv or
something. But she agreed, and as I put my arm around her and noticed how tiny
she was, I did a Cowardly Lion impression, which made her laugh, and instead of
one selfie I got three. Then? I thanked her and she skipped away.
So, what was that all about? I can only guess. But I’m sure
my grief therapist will have a field day with it. To therapists dreams are like
coffee; they’re all about awakening, coming alive and breathing deep. In case
you don’t read my blogs, my mother died recently. Well, last December. But
death is no respecter of persons and grief has no expiration date, so though I’m
doing better, I’m still not well, and December might as well be June. But I don’t
think it’s a coincidence that in my dream I didn't see myself as the Tin Man
looking for a heart, nor the Scarecrow looking for a brain. No. I was the
Cowardly Lion, looking for his courage.
We could go further, of course. We could talk about how The
Wizard of Oz was one of my Mom’s favorite movies. We could ask why Dorothy wasn’t
carrying her basket, and why Toto was nowhere to be seen. Or…why was it that Dorothy
was afraid of me when I first approached? In the last selfie she pressed her
cheek hard against mine and gave the biggest smile of all, so at least she left
happy. Yeah. I think so. And...did I mention that Dorothy was my mother's name?
No dream remembered is one that’s meant to be forgotten. Keep
that in mind the next time you awaken with images and impressions still fresh in your eyes. And, oh yeah, I know that some of you that read this blog are
in mourning as well. If so, I cannot recommend short term grief therapy more.
If for no other reason than that it has helped me to dream again.
Dreams can be very healing. Glad you had time to connect, or reconnect, with your mom in yours.
ReplyDeleteVery true, Bev. I'm glad as well. Thanks for the comment!
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this a lot. In most dream analysis research I've studied, it's the dreamer's response to the images that is most important - for instance, in this case, what does Dorothy represent to you, emotionally? I'm very interested in some of the underlying beliefs you have about the dream. Like, why are you insisting it wasn't the "real" Judy Garland? It's a dream, of course you could have been dreaming about the actual woman. But you knew it was someone acting, although she was "a dead ringer". So, someone pretending to be Judy Garland pretending to be Dorothy...I don't know, there's some stuff there. Then her initial fear, and your worry that she'd think you were a pervert. You noticed "how tiny she was". Only after you noticed how tiny, perhaps how vulnerable she was or how powerful you are in comparison, you did the impression to comfort her, make her laugh, put her at ease. I don't know, T, it could be a dream about your mother, or not at all. :) Just some thoughts. I'm thrilled that something in you has cracked open, allowing dreams to happen. Have you had any more?
ReplyDeleteAlso, a lot of dream analyzers say that other people in our dreams actually represent a subconscious aspect of ourselves. So Pretend Judy/Dorothy could have actually been you. Look at it like that, maybe, and shit gets real! :) I recently had a very powerful dream involving my mother, and while I won't discount the idea that God might allow the dead to visit us in our dreams, I'm pretty sure it was just me. In the dream she said, "Go, live your life!" But she wasn't all that thrilled about it, necessarily. I couldn't stop crying all day after that. And you know what? I've been living my life in some very powerful ways since then. I just needed to give myself imperfect permission. Hope you keep dreaming.
ReplyDeleteThanks for you comments Hilaree! Sorry for the delay in my reply, I just needed a good three days to process them. LOL. First off...this blog seemed to have triggered something in some folks, most by email or IM via Facebook. One person even called. But you get the award so far for Best Observation I Never Thought Of with the "someone pretending to be Judy Garland, who was pretending to be Dorothy" comment. That's a triple layer of pretend! My grief therapist caught this as well, straight away. Then she sliced up the whole dream like a sushi roll and layered it with some mental wasabi, which is still kinda burning in that spot right between the bridge of my nose and my mind :) A little taste of it? The Cowardly Lion would never have the courage to imitate The Cowardly Lion. I deftly chose not to try to imitate the Tin Man looking for a heart, nor the Scarecrow looking for his...wait for it...mind. As for the whole pervert thing? Maybe. But nah. I mean, if I go out into the street right now and walk up to a 14 year old girl that I don't know and ask her to take a selfie with me, she's gonna freak out. It's just the world we live in today. "Stranger Danger", and all that. All dreams are tricky, but the one's injected with a bit of realism to throw you off are the trickiest of all, because it's the unreal acting real. Judy/Dorothy being "me" in some aspect feels off...though I am, of course, half the DNA of my mother. Regardless. Your insights were neat to hear, and I really appreciate you sharing your dream too. That's very cool...and empowering. Hope you keep dreaming as well!
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