"One of these days, letters are going to fall from the sky...
telling us all to go free.
But until that day, I’ll find a way to let everyone know
that you’re coming back...
coming back for me." - Civil Twilight (Letters From the Sky)
There is quiet space between sin and grace. I know, because I’ve been there. It’s a “still” sort of silence. A little over two years ago I walked 37 steps surrounded by it. I know, because I went back the other day and counted them. 37 steps exactly between the spot where I said, “This is really bad. Am I really going to do this?” and the spot where I said, “Yes, I definitely am.”
I never got to the 38th step because God said “No.” Plain and simple. I don’t care if that challenges some people’s notions of free will because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was Him who intervened and firmly turned me away. I felt it. Love for my shame. Patience for my willfulness. Grace for my sin. The universe just sorta sighed and said, “Oh. Anthony. Has it really come to this?”
Devastation. It was 37 steps away. I look around me and I see a lot of folks hurting and hurting others these days, for beliefs or prejudices that not a single one of them was born with. You come into this world full of love and boundless curiosity. It starts with your mother’s touch, your father’s voice and those bizarre figures dangling from the mobile over your crib. You reach out, for all of it, and you never really stop reaching, do you? For something to catch your eye. For someone to love you.
Here’s the thing I learned while taking that 38th step on that hot day in July when all the fissures in my soul had finally joined together to form a massive crack that I was about to fall into head first. The greatest love and curiosity of all is our creator. Yes, He has set us free to bump into walls and in His wisdom, he will not always intervene. But, like any good parent, he’s only one step away from those moments when we’re about to make a really big mistake.
What was my sin? That’s not important. What was your sin? That’s not important, either. Nor is sin “contemplated” much different than “sin committed”. Because, let’s be honest, some of the most despicable crimes of our lives are committed on the mean streets of our minds. Don’t believe me? Go check out Matthew 5:21-48. Tough stuff. Regardless, what is important is that we realize that every step we take in this life is just one more on the journey.
And Thank God, we’re not alone.
