A Visit With Gilbert

"In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will." - Ephesians 1:5

I sat the other day with my daughter before a visit with her birth father, Gilbert. This happens each year. I'd like to say I'm mature about it. That I'm grounded and impervious to the emotions that well up inside of me like a hurricane each time this happens. But I'd be a liar. I'd like to say that I don't go through a hundred different ways to avoid the feelings that cascade over me, but anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm not that good at avoiding my feelings. Never have been.

Adoption is an intricate, wonderful and unbelievably mysterious thing. The bible says that all believers are adopted into God's family through Christ Jesus. Anyone with faith knows that it, too, is an intricate, wonderful and unbelievably mysterious thing. So it goes. Be it spiritual adoption or human adoption, both can be beautiful and challenging.

Here's the thing: I'm not very good at it, this whole "sharing" thing. I don't like it one bit. As an only child it's always been about me. I like it when it's about me. Me is good. I know me. Well, at least I think I do. Actually, me is a stranger sometimes too. But I digress. The point is, as an only child, when something is mine, it's mine. You can't have it. Nobody can.

God knew this about me and He knew very well that this way of thinking would poison my soul. You can't worship a man who was nailed to a cross in the ultimate display of self-sacrifice and then live a life of pure and utter selfishness. It just doesn't work that way.

So, a few times each year, here comes another man to spend time with my little girl. Guess what? He has just as much right to see her as I do. He made her. It might have been in the midst of every guys worst nightmare (a one night stand with consequences), but to put it in Italian terms? He's a "stand up" guy. He isn't bailing on her. Man to man, he shows me nothing but respect. More importantly, he's trying to do the right thing...for her. There's a beauty to it. There really is.

And each visit God walks me in and walks me back out and He whispers in my ear, over and over again, lessons of love and sharing. It hurts like you cannot believe but - and here comes the mysterious part - I am utterly thankful for it all.